i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
