She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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