Nicole vs. Life
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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