i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
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