apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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