i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
It's shark week go big or go home
Randomize
