you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
It's Friday. Sex?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
