she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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