The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
