We won't sleep together?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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