3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I wish life had little blips of pornography
nutella sex= disaster
it's not cheating when I paid for it
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
