Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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