yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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