How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
