haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
