Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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