now i know why i became what i already was.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
