i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
