First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
