i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
