U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
