Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
