the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
