No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
