i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
