Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
