Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
