he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
