im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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