her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
