so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
