Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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