so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
