the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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