i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
