Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
