is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
