I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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