I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize