If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
