how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
