what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
