Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
