what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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