Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
she peed on how many people?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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