I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So many bounce houses so little time
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
