I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
