Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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