Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
