ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
my god I love twenty year old dicks
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
