Your mouth is God's brothel.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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