Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
