There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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