Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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