a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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