Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
