Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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