we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize