Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
