I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
