Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
