hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
