think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Randomize
