I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Randomize
