i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
