Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
no more duck duck goose at the bar
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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