the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
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