Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
