i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Randomize
