There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
